He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
