I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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