You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
