i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
