I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
