I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
