dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
