i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
