Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
