I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
