Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
