So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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