It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
