i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You should frame my arrest warrant.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
