There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
