She said her name was "party"
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
