I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
