woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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