He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
