i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
