that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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