moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
