Soap is not a condiment
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
