You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
