Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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