yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
