Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
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