After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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