Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
