I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
The uberlube is also flammable
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
