YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
