I accidentally had phone sex last night
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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