Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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