Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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