there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
