If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I need to calm my uterus...
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