I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
