she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
