i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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