ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
