I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
