there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
