how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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