Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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