I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
