NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
