All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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