He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
