you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
