READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
