guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
This toilet bowl is my home.
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