this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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