Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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