can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
