May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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