i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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