dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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